69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
