I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
