he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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