you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
