Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
