I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
