I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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