The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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