I just saw a hot homeless man
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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