i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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