i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
