Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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