dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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