Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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