Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
