??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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