The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
