I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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