he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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