God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
