my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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