Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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