Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
