It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize