Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
