Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We need to get me chipped asap
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
