so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
