And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
