things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
