I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
