he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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