i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
