Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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