I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
