dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
