I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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