I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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