My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
