As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
