Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this boner is exhausting
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
