Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have fence marks all over my body
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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