The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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