I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
