It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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