Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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