Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
