Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Even my vagina gasped.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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