I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
