Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
