the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
