I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
