whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
