well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
