she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.