Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.