she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.