I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.