i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
