I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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