No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
