Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
