why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
