This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
