Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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