my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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