I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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