Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
