I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Im part way to drunk.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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