Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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