she was so not down for the gang bang
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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