I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize