Whod you bang
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
