Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
