im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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