the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
