I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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