So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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