my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
