You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
