? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have grass duct taped all over my body
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
