lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
