I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
