I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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