I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
