I just pynch a tree in the face
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
